peace

i awake
a little lighter
the heaviness
that has stifled this year
transforms
and evaporates
like the morning dew

mates of state

the bitter ex-boyfriend's words ring true
"all your guy friends just wanna fuck you"

i've asked for yields
on my path to happiness
i can only extend
the same to you

looking out from beyond shoulder blades
not even my heart is safe
nor found

its been me all along
the one with the song
for poison
toys for joy

love for repute
love for true
love for hope
love for scorn
love for broken
love for mourn
love to be
closer
to infinity
in the ropes
of its cradle
one thinks
this is all that exists
meaning, reason, submission
satisfaction
can you blame a soul
for finding a home
if just for a while
a warm fire to rest
the ends of the world
the restless nature of
processing
our moments to let go
can one blame
even a friend
for finding solace
and distraction
in the arms of the
familiar
i only find fault
in the allegiance
to my flock
expecting devout
in the name of she
how silly
since i have
disgraced
the raw matter
with options abound
disintegration
of an everlasting projection
the intensity of a soul manifestation
how could it not be
everything
now i see
the tragedy
raised to be lowered
extensions of courage
of validation
i can only accept
what i have warranted
slighted on the dime
comfort in my own kind
forsaken the arch
of divinity march
i now know the shades
of regret
the tide of
the gutted stench
vulnerability in processing
i cut loose
the string
to see what you'd
do
gave you the air
to move
and now i see what you
choose
cock-a-doodle-doo
you are not for my roost
no man of mine
would
neither sister
would betray
in the name of
red like a snake
the reckoner of forsake
it's all for you baby
carried to the dredge
on a lorrie
we spill at will
drill baby drill
nothing is golden
in the land of adults
and no blood
binds hearts
and minds
loyalty
without a ring
everything else is game
drizzle or rain
the dark days
of a warm december
come again and again
watercolor stain
show me a little
shame
can i have reprieve
from the
bangs of deceit
i cannot share
friends and bed sheets
and keep a straight face
this amounts to everything

ashes dance in the air
like moths
by december i burn from
both ends
ridden with a years work
unaccounted on my hands
marked on my heart
i fear making my blood's keep
not cleaning out
under the neath
where has the spirit
gone, chile
overanalyzing the slight of smile
it's all dust, eventually
lives to be lived
air to breathe
share the need
and go on green

guild

living in the ring round
the moon
ring of fog
stretches of limited visibility
with some patches of clarity
torn, resistance shattered
ties broken
in both men
repeating my mistreaty
sealed & signed
failed to deliver
everything changes
with the general
when too many
little caesars
find their chairs
of i declare

salt water hands
wrinkled by
no man's land
foolish variables
an inner halt
life is not
what i thought
this is not
what i thought
funny
how it seems
funny
hearts chasing dreams

oh praise
if there is a God
praise
bless the
sacred
souls
the ones
i keep
close
my heart
would find
no place safe
to rest
to trust
in the world
into this new year
i know
home
i know
where it is
safe to go
safe to grow
thank you
life
for giving me
these ladies
i will never be
grateful enough

the master plan
has yet to be
in motion
i just know
there is reason
for us
by side

weakdays (in season)

tis the timing for tides
red & green
at 80 degrees
can i find my holy day
if i've already been saved
before i had a choice
choice.
complicated with internal noise
running. but i stay in place.
hiding. but i am still here.
voices all too loud
in the midnight clear
seeking solace in solitude
attempts to come to.
make me like eggs
scrambled, deviled, fried or hard boiled
better off in the shell
staying safe in the liquid of myself
monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday
repeat.
bent at the elbow
with bitten nails
and shoulders
with chipped sails.
i am half water
and half fire
muted on the cross
saving love
from the silver platter toss
no more sacrifices
will be named
because i am unable
to convince myself
of any truth.
monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday
repeat.
window shopping
bargaining for peace
wrap the tree
with ornaments and
shiny things
garland and memories
there is no holiday
in 80 degrees
only subsisting demons
with a stranglehold on reason
projecting versions of ourself
on a wide screen
with broken reels
pushing rewind
and fast forward
at the same time
monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday
repeat.
the eves upon us
with restless bells
and endless sales
some bargains
can't be made
some gifts
need to be saved
the new year in sight
but number 13
reaps
even 157 adds up
and i am not equipped
for the 2 of cups
drowning in
the fountain
saving
mutual self preservation
stream of honesty
monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday
repeat.
rewind is stuck
pause
lines on a screen
tinsel on a tree
decorative distractions
to tame the scream
the demand
for comfort
and joy
i must maintain
keep everything
wrapped and taped
and leave the surprises
for said dates
salt water life
third eye mind
gotta trust the insides
because the hiero
knows the
arches of the
threshold
& it's not the
odysseys time to
come home
satellite seeks
is not complete
monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday
repeat.

cell

sometimes i forget i am trying
amongst the talking sheep
simplicity afraid to see
through the complicated seam
plagued by cell compositions
intricate messages
half-faced with break
is it a curse to see
to be of the reckoner gene
rippled in reflections
no blame in the script
an occupied mind
fills the time
my backlit personality
lost in the seasons
always seeking a remedy
to weakness
and ways to come up for air
so i don't drown in the
necessity for repair
repeat. lather.
add, erase.
new date.
tidy the mess
busy hands know best.