jury

you can't tame the unnamed
oxytocin inept
left my bridaled vest
somewhere on sesame street
always been hot & cold
& the iPod told me
to rub until it bleeds
when did i become
this tired vacancy?
my red hands show & i
can't be afraid
of what is already known
sometimes i marvel at
the stickiness of the web
stranglehold on Hope
bottom lip quivers in the darkness
here we go again
let the upheaval begin
pitted between want & seeming
necessity between love & dreams
choked on acceptance
i guess she meant it
knowing me like a fist
guess i'm what i miss
a Friday night choice
echoes louder than any voice
its not as it seems
but the squirrels say separate
lost so much
given so little, lately
it seems
stuck on freedom seams
and the rope of regret
living at 26
style my fit
decisions linger
and the jury awaits

tracing....hold on

how much of the past is it safe to hold onto?
remembering the wishes of a staying
the worldliness of weighing
and the wind swayed
he did come my way
i needed to know
all that could have been
surely there would have been joy
but i listened
when i knew he wasn't
i paid attention
and here i am
2 years later
after where we could have been
am i having fun?
i don't regret my decision
i would make it again
and laugh at the slap
and missed channels
the prank of my heart
cuz 8000 miles is too far

because you let me down
and i say it is all because of you
you were born to come and go
and i always knew 8,344 was
not safe with you

but how i wanted to marry the myth and let go
and here i am again
knowing better
could i just drive
away
would i feel more alive?
cuz i know i would look back
and say why didn't i just fly
or drive
my silent dive
instead of holding on
to material pieces of life

away haiku

colorado come
winter's warm heart, florida's best
speckled in hope's nest

moving

this is really it
the cause for claim
proof that
everything changes
no one should reach
the greatest hits
at 26
i question what i should become
or what shall become of me
it is that easy
i've been trapped in my
cloud for so long
lower me down
i want to mean something
but i can't sitting still
an expanse lies above me
i'm starting to feel alone
for the first time in my life
"learn how to lose control"
in losing myself
i just might find myself
i've sworn on the rock of change
wolf cried time and again
realizing waking up
is every chance
that matters
approach varies
and the hard hand of life
will find you
no matter if
i run deep
like the sea
tied to everything
and say all the catch phrases
to make it okay
or hear a familiar voice
to make me sane
cry away with the waning moon
my cycle shifted
once i let it free
my body choosing
when to bleed
if you just listen
you just might
if you give up the struggle
and leave warriors to fight
muster the mess
of blood
tied to love
and fear
beauty & crime
judge not
the tail of the spine
the dominant paradigm
of moving on
lasting hands in red
sounds of mysterons ago
creating the shapes
only i know
it needs not
my permission to exist
only the confirmation
of my tightened fist
dead at the ends
the middle holds the juice
and i am burning
in the deadly roost

windowpain

the blinds are always drawn if you look hard enough
there were spirits here before me
the next flaw is relentless
we are not a society of perfectionists
yet still the eaves of our minds
point us towards the vacuum of success
long live unrest in circumstance
protests in a window of belief
too many indians and chiefs

mark the days again, 26 times now
can i place the patterns
or find the obvious with math?
does the purple marsh lie beyond
tangible paths?
glutton for ambiguity
but it all appears so apparent
in my pigeon's rose colored eye
contrived and sought
meaning of moments
essence of existing
broken by mandatory living
so much expanse
to find my song and dance
to make merry the memories
and carve out a footprint
worth the carbon
marry the advantage of this land
wrinkles and scars
imperfections of individuality
idiosyncrasies of ideology
blood filled with the tyranny of a days thoughts
fountainside of the smoking fault
burn baby burn
one day, like any other
it will give
could i surrender to notions
and hand myself over

respiration

when i punch
i can feel
the compression of
my lungs

when i linger
i can feel the emptiness
within

when i reflect
i can taste the
foreboded regret

will south america,
jamaica or india
exist

will i make it?
slipping slipping slipping
my grip is

release

polish is chipping
teeth are yellowing
heart races
brimming
running out of patience
teeming tolerance
can you read my lips
between my hips
raised up & pink
i'm still before 30
and the color don't matter
in the shapes
of the word pleasure
please
release me from
desire